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What I want...What I need - Part 1

Title: What I want…What I need - Part 1

Author: mercenarysong

Summary: Zoe has needs and looks to Jayne for...assistance. Zoe/Jayne pairing post BDM (spoilers).

Rating: NC-17

Author's Note: This is my first fanfic ever, a little nervous, but here goes. The whole ‘verse belongs to Joss, nothing belongs to me. I just borrow…




What I want…What I need - Part 1

* * * *

She found him in his bunk doing weapons inventory. On any other ship weapons inventory would be done in a weapons locker or in the cargo hold. But not on Serenity, Jayne’s personal arsenal was more impressive than most combat class ships, and he protected it like a fussy mother.

Jayne looked surprised when Zoe unceremoniously dropped to the foot of the ladder in his bunk.

“What in gorram! What ya doin’ in here Zo?” He growled, a little startled, and definitely annoyed at the interruption.

Zoe quietly surveyed the room, Vera was mounted solidly against the wall. She had never been in Jayne’s bunk, never had any cause to be. It looked neater than she expected, everything in its place. His bed was made, tucked military style. That raised an eyebrow. Jayne confounded her sometimes, but she knew that for the greater part of things what you see is what you get with Jayne Cobb. Nothing complicated, or at least that’s what she was counting on.

Maybe it was the way she purposefully avoided looking at him that made Jayne stay quiet. It was weird enough that she was in his bunk, but acting peculiar too? He decided to ignore her and instead focused on checking the reserve clips of ammo.

For months after Wash died Zoe had seemed lost to all of them. She ate, slept, survived. They saw her everyday, but she was somewhere else, not able or willin’ to come back to reality, to Serenity. It was only lately that she started acting like her old self again. Even cracked a smile days ago when Mal came back from a job covered head to toe in go se mud and surly as hell.

Jayne knew that Inara and Kaylee, even River, tried to draw her out; sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. She even seem to shut out Mal, that was until they had it out in the cargo bay a few jobs after Miranda. Mal had taken it in his head that Zoe wasn’t goin’ on the job, thought it was too dangerous or something. But he’d made up some thin story that even Jayne saw through. Though he didn’t disagree with Mal, he was worried about Zoe too, he woulda never said, but then again there was no Jayne and Zoe, like there was Mal and Zoe. They had history. Mal had gotten all tongue tied, then all guilty like went and apologized to Zoe for what happened to Wash like he had speared the pilot himself. Zoe ripped him a new one for that. Mal never brought it up again.

They were all missing Wash and the Shepherd. Even he noticed the big gaping hole in Serenity. Yeah, they’d replaced the pilot’s chair, got themselves a new pilot too, more’n a bit crazy though, but a pilot. They’d fixed Serenity up real good, but the hole, the one none a them could see was still there and Jayne knew he couldn’t fix it. He wished he could though…make things the way they were, back when they had Wash and the Shepherd, and reavers weren’t in his gorram dreams more nights than not. Still, he ain’t never lost no wife and wasn’t one with words anyhow, so he gave Zoe her space. He helped with her work where he could, without her knowing of course. Without letting on to Mal, he tried to be her eyes and gun on jobs when she didn’t seem to care if she made it back or not. On jobs she’d become protective some’m fierce of Mal and even of Jayne—surprised him too. But with herself, she took too many chances. He figured she needed time…the black…her family. He didn’t quite remember when they became that…a family. But they were, and he couldn’t quite picture being any place else in the verse. He’d never admit it to any of ‘em though.

Zoe’s hand lingered on the ladder. She finished her look around, “Jayne, I got a proposition for you.”

This time she looked him in the eye, direct like. He considered maybe she wanted him to take a shift, but she coulda told him that any time, or maybe she wanted him to talk Mal bout some new job, but she wouldn’t need him for that. She had a direct line to the Capt’n and he’d listen to her more’n he’d listened to Jayne any day. He had to admit it, he had no idea what coulda brought Zoe down his bunk but now he was just plain curious.

“Talk then—you the one come down my hole.”

“I need something from you Jayne, and I don’t aim to wander around it.”

“Already sounds like wanderin’ to me—spit it out.” He re-shelved a few smaller pieces, locked the metal case, then turned to face her.

“Seems I been mighty distracted lately and come to realize that I ain’t paid enough attention to certain needs. Been more than a year since—” She paused then thought better of it. She continued her voice even, unwavering. “A woman’s body has needs whether she wants to attend to them or not. Right now, I got something I need to get outta my ruttin’ system, can’t have no distractions right now. And what I need I can’t provide myself—a man need to figure in this equation.” She finished as if she just asked him to hand her a bowl a potato flavored protein.

Jayne had the foresight not to let his jaw drop. Was she sayin’ what he thought she was sayin’? He stared at Zoe trying to make sense of the jumble of things she just said and form them proper in his head.

He gave up, “What in gorram are you sayin' to me Zo?”

“I want you to have sex with me.”

“Shumma? You outta your gorram mind Zo? That’s a damned thing to go demandin’—“

“Ain’t demandin’. You can say no, Jayne. I’ll find someone else.” Zoe wasn’t strapped but her hand rested where her holster would hang.

“Inara won’t stand for Mal sexin’ you—"

She didn't try to hide her annoyance, “You and the Captain aren’t the only men in the verse Jayne, we’re bound to touch land soon.”

“Jien tah-duh gway!” A knot had suddenly formed in the pit of Jayne’s gut. Since Miranda, Zoe had a sadness bout her, and it rubbed him raw at times. The thought of some uncaring hwoon dan who didn’t know anything about her, just using her body. Hell no. She didn’t deserve that.

“I’m a grown woman, and it’s gonna get done, whether you say yes or no, dong ma?”

Go se. Jayne had an appetite everyone knew that. He didn’t hide it, weren’t ashamed of it neither. He made a point to satisfy himself when opportunity presented itself, which wasn’t nearly enough lately since Mal like to hang in the black for weeks on end since Miranda. But sexin’ Zoe? He was used to a certain kinda woman and Zoe was nothin’ like ‘em. For one, she weren’t no whore, for two, she was Zoe for cryin’ out loud. Wash been gone well over a year, and he knew Zoe kept to herself since Miranda, but he hadn’t really thought ‘bout her having needs and urges like he did.

He almost smiled. Seems like she was flesh and blood after all despite how she acted. It wasn’t no secret he thought she was sexy as hell, he even messed with Wash’s head about it a time or two. It was her control he liked, and that she could shoot and fight like any man, better than most; then there were those legs and curves, and all that curly hair, and she scared him a little too—hell, he was humped.

He knew what she wanted, he’d been there before in the black. But he weren’t no fool. Him and Zoe ain’t had no war history, but they had Serenity, and years on this boat doin’ what they do had connected them in ways he didn’t want to think about or even admit. No, weren’t no simple thing she was askin’ in his mind. But maybe she didn’t see it like he did. He just wasn’t sure he should do what she was askin’—damn well wanted to though.

“Zo, I—”

Taking his hesitation as a refusal, Zoe turned to climb back up the ladder.

“Gorramit Zo.”

Jayne caught her arm and pulled her against his chest. Zoe caught her breath at the feel of his arms around her. It had been a long time since anyone…Wash… held her like this. Husband. A familiar ache spread through her, gnawing at the raw edges where pieces had been ripped out. My love. Since that instant when their moments and lifetimes together were reduced to a box of clothes and dinosaurs she couldn’t throw away, Zoe had just been surviving. The steady beat of Jayne’s heart against her fingers punctuated the absence of another. Husband. Zoe pushed away the sudden urge to weep. She had promised him she wouldn’t cry anymore, that she would do more than just survive. By sheer will, she slept through the nights now, dreamt about him less and less, though he was still a part of her as natural as her right hand. She reckoned he always would be. It was only lately she had come to realize that although her heart was still healing, her body had other ideas, ideas she couldn’t seem to bury or ignore any longer. Why she had chosen the mercenary? She wasn’t sure really. For the space of a breath, she wondered if she had made a mistake coming to his bunk, then Jayne shifted and fitted himself perfectly into the arch between her thighs. Against her will, her body trembled. She felt his instant response, and Zoe knew she had chosen right.

“You sure about this Zoe?”

Jayne could imagine all sorts of ways he could end up in pain or dead for sexin’ Zoe. A number of them involving Mal, the rest, Zoe. He just wanted to avoid the bleeding and dieing part that’s all. But if this was what Zoe wanted then Mal sure as hell couldn’t blame him for it. Besides, Zoe wouldn’t let him, she bout the only one who could stop him too.

In answer to his question Zoe pressed into him which sent his heart racing and parts growing. Her hands slipped beneath Jayne’s shirt and she felt more than heard his sharp in take of breath through the suddenly tense muscles beneath her fingers.

Jayne touched a lock of her hair, pulling it from the leather string holding it back. He never imagined he would ever get to touch Zoe like this. He slowly untied the leather string and a veil of heavy curls framed her face. Her lips—slightly parted, full—were damned irresistible this close. Wo de tien ah. The realization that he wanted to kiss her shook him a little, but he didn’t fight it. He dipped his head to taste her, momentarily hovering inches from her lips.

Maybe it was because she knew his rule bout not kissin’ on the lips, or maybe it was the unexpected softness of his lips, whatever the reason, when their lips touched her knees went weak. Jayne steadied her against him, as his mouth searched hers hungrily. His tongue licked her bottom lip and she moaned against his mouth…tian. Zoe opened to him, giving him as much as she took. Their lips tasted each other, teased forcing groans from both of them. Wanting more, Jayne tugged her shirt loose from her pants, and sighed as his hands found the smooth skin of her back.

His fingers lightly touched the slight ridges of the scar she had taken from Miranda.

He sucked in a breath, “Gorram reavers!”

“No time for talkin’ now Jayne, you got a job to do.”

“—and I do love my work.”

Zoe’s lips found a sensitive spot on his neck, she let her tongue linger there, tasting him. Jayne groaned, his eyes drifting close. Zoe’s lips burned their way down his chest. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath when her mouth was doing that.

Jayne moved them to the bed, efficiently stripping her clothes and his as they took the short steps. Zoe gasped, trembling as Jayne’s lips circled the sensitive skin in the curve of her neck. Jayne slid his hands down to touch her and found her wet, ready for him. Wuo de ma.

She arched her hips into his fingers, biting down to hold in the cry that rose in her throat. Husband. She trembled holding on tightly to Jayne, an overwhelming fear suddenly rose inside her. No. This was not what she wanted. She had wanted…release…she had wanted him quick and fast she told herself. Then why was she letting him kiss her, touch her this way? He was making love to her.

Jayne took his time, enjoying the way she squirmed beneath his fingers.

He suddenly slid her beneath him. He threaded his fingers through hers, capturing her arms above her head, then paid homage to ever curve and crest with his wet mouth. A whimper escaped Zoe, she bit down hard on her lip to hold it in. No. This isn't what she wanted from Jayne. Making love was for…Husband. Didn’t feel like Wash. Did it matter? He's not coming back. She couldn’t breathe. Zoe pushed at the confusion in her mind. Her breathing became shallow as Jayne’s probing fingers played havoc on her senses, the sudden rising tension in side her pulled on the edges of her sorrow, overwhelming her. Goodbye Baby. A sob escaped her lips.

“Zoe?” Jayne froze. Misunderstanding, he said, “I ain’t him Zo.”

“I know that.” She couldn’t keep her voice from shaking, he could see the desire, the sadness in her eyes.

“Zo, sometimes what you think you want, ain’t what ya need.” What the hell was he sayin’? Jayne momentarily wondered if he was out of his gorram mind.

“Jayne, you better ruttin’ finish what you started.”

“Hell, you can see plain how much I want ya, but I want you to be sure ‘bout this. We can stop this now.” Lao-tyen boo though it might kill him.

“Shr ah, I’m sure”

“Good.” Jayne said, and entered her so swiftly, she forgot to breathe. Her body shook at the sweet invasion, he was a big man and knew it so gave her a few breaths to get used to him. Barely breathing, Zo was caught between wanting him to move and being afraid that he would.

"You're--"

"I'll go slow Zo, trust me, I won't hurt you."

"So full," Zo moaned, discovering that she definitely wanted him to move.

"Hold on to me, Bao-bei,"

Zoe held on, her eyes closed, panting as Jayne began to move.

With deep long strokes, he made Zoe want to scream. His steady rhythm drove her higher and higher, threatening to overwhelm her. Her body shook with every sweet invasion. She heard only their shallow breaths, against the throbbing inside her. Her fingers strangled the sheets, and with every thrust she prayed he would let her fall. She wrapped her legs around him taking him deeper. Jayne lips captured her cries and left her breathless.

“Open your eyes Zo.” Jayne demanded, suddenly wanting to be sure that she was with him.

She opened heavy lidded eyes, cloudy with desire. Jayne looked deep into her eyes as he buried himself inside her. Zoe sucked in a breath, her body trembling violently. He hesitated, hovering just inside her. She arched to take him deeper but Jayne held her hips still. She felt the width of him and she ached for more.

“Jayne please.” She whispered, her voice thick with desire.

He liked that. Jayne had never heard her call him that way. He wanted to hear it again. He drove into her again and again, his hands cradling her head, his elbows on either side of her, taking his weight. Then he withdraw from her just enough, pausing… a groan escaped him. Jayne closed his eyes trying to hold on to the little control he had left.

“Jayne,” Zoe protested, her voice tinged in desperation.

At that moment, the realization that Zoe was finally in his arms trembling, wanting him, was almost enough to send Jayne over the edge. He buried himself inside her. He felt her tighten around him. She clung to him trembling unable to hold in the cry that escaped her. He finally let himself go.

Well after their breathing settled, their bodies remained locked, both unwilling to break the connection. Jayne rested his forehead against hers, enjoying the feel of her lips against his.

“You hungry, Zoe?”

Laughter bubbled from deep in her throat and she didn’t try to contain it. She’d been worried that someone took their mercenary, and left this strange gentle man lying next to her, but now she had no doubts—it was still Jayne.

“What’s so funny?” Jayne shifted against her, sending shudders through her. Zoe gasped as after shocks rushed through her, leaving her trembling and clinging to him.

“Hmm, I like that,” he said, a wicked grin on his face.

“Jayne Cobb, if you so much as move—.”

“You’ll what Zo?” he challenged and captured her lips.

Not a gorram thing, she thought.

Against every natural inclination, Zoe allowed Jayne to wrap his arms around her and pull her close. His arms tightened around her, his legs entangled possessively through hers.

“We got you," he said, his voice muffled in her hair.

“We?”

“Serenity and me…we got you.”



- end -
Translations:
Shumma? - What?
dong ma? – understand?
jien tah-duh gway - Like hell!
Wo de tien ah - My God!
Wuo de ma - Mother of Jesus
go se – shit
Lao-tyen boo - Oh, Lord!
hwoon dahn – bastard
tian - sweet
Shr ah- Yes


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